Firstly all girls/women are subjected to sexual violence/harassment, being controlled etc. Being put in a box of boundaries and there is a set limit what we are allowed to do because we are girls and patriarchy has made the rules for us. 

I was sexually assaulted when I was around 4 years old by a male cousin who was 12 years old at the time. 

I was pressured again to do a sexual act on another boy. He was about the same age then as my cousin. I was around 8 years old. 

Did they targeted me because I was already a girl who wasn't non conforming to femininity? It is questionable of course.

When I was around 11 years old I was bullied in school by 6 boys in my class. The bullying was horrendous. My mum gave me the advice to pick out the strongest boy from the group and beat him up as good as I can. She said “You get the same food as him, there is no reason why you should be frightened of him so go for it!” She said “I promise they will stop after this”. So I went for it. He did not win but I did not either and the bullying stopped. Only a few name calling after but nothing I could not handle.

The next experience I had was at a birthday party. I was around 15 years old. I was already a non conforming lesbian. I was totally drunk and went in a bedroom of my friend and fell asleep. I woke up finding one of his friend on top me from behind pretending to have anal sex with me and lots of boys were standing around watching and laughing. I was quite lucky that the boy who invited me to the party came in at that moment. He looked shocked and got that other boy off me. He called a taxi and send me home. 

My next experience was with one of my sisters boyfriend (I was then around 16). I was a proud out lesbian already at the time and he tried to impress me with saying stuff like: “you are amazing” blah blah. I did not give a shit what blokes were saying or not. He ask me to go out with him for a drink and I always said no and found some excuses. He then got my sister on to me (pressuring her) so she was begging me to have a drink with him. I thought ok, so I met him in a pub. What I expected to happen happened: He was telling me I did not met the right guy blabla (obviously he thought he was the right guy). I got bored after 5 minutes and told him hang on I need to go to the toilet and obviously left the pub. 

After that I was hanging out in gay bars for about a year. Gay men would make sexual remarks about lesbians from saying we smell of fish, to asking who of you is on top etc.

My experience from being a lesbian after all of this until now is hatred. Men want to murder me. I was stabbed, violently attacked, shot at, verbally abused and this is because I am a Lesbian who does not take any shit from men, who see men for what they are. 

I am not frightened of them and that is why they hate me/us. The worse thing for being a lesbian is denying men access to our body and mind is a crime against patriarchy.