As 14-15yo girl i met student (around 23yo). I knew i was lesbian but since in my country homosexuality is taboo i only told him i don't like d#icks and sex i general. At first he was ok with that then after 2 months he very much insisted to the point i had to agree (we were at his place and i couldn't escape). I was so scared i didn't cried nor screamed. When i finally got into bathroom it hit me what happend. That i lost my virginity to the guy i never even liked. He was abusing me mentally physically and sexually for 2 years. He broke me down so much i developed ever deeper depression and anorexia. I tried to kill myself two times which one of those attempts was almost succesful. I just couldn't live knowing someone made me this dirty. It all ended very brutal (he literally smashed my face into walls and furniture multiple times then rap#d me). My parents saw something was wrong and made me speak but when i told them i was rap#d and abused they were angry for 5 minutes and that's all. My next and also actual partner is also male and we're the same age. At first he wanted to be friends, to casually hangout and have fun. But for some reason all males around me are especially predatory. He won't admit he is addicted to porn but he IS. He is watching porn daily and has very high sex drive. When i told him i'm lesbian it made him even more horny and of course my never ending male nightmare countinued. They both told me "this could have been normal but you want to make everything complicated" as if i could fake just like that - my true self, my sexuality, my whole life...