I was 12 when I realized that I had feelings for a peer. We went everywhere together at my family’s campground and people knew we were a bit of a pair. Flash forward almost two years, I was at a little gathering and went to a trailer on the property of the gathering to grab some snacks and drinks to bring back to the party. I had been followed by two older boys; their late teens or even early twenties. I was raped by both in probably moments but what felt like hours and they hissed things like, “too girly to be a dyke,” and “you haven’t had good dick yet.” I didn’t tell my parents. I didn’t tell anyone for a really long time. I just went home in a daze and showered and tried to sleep.

For a long long time, the word “dyke” was extremely triggering to me. It took decades for me to embrace that word and feel proud of it. I’ve been in therapy for years and I think I’ve come a long way in my healing but there will always been flashbacks and occasional nightmares. I don’t think I’ll ever be healed enough to NOT be wary of men.